So this is an important one, and something I’m not quite perfect at (or near) but working on it every day! It’s common knowledge that Bad Girls might want to be the talkers, the center-of-attention, the ones who KNOW what they’re talking about. However, even in those cases, it’s just as important to take in what others are saying (verbal and non-verbal) and not just hear them, but actually listen.
As a Bad Girl with a brain, I find it hard (and annoying) to have to “dumb myself down” when someone who thinks they’re so much smarter (read: boss, professor, colleague, guy at bar) talks down to me in reference to things that they think I don’t know about (ie - business). Now, Bad Girls have a few options in those cases, but my favourite thing to do is listen, intently, to EVERYTHING someone is telling me, because whether it’s about science, medicine, business, economics, politics, religion, cars, etc, there’s always the chance that they’re going to teach me something. Now, I try not to dumb myself down, but instead, ask simple open-ended questions and act interested (even just a bit) on the topic. When appearing interested in that “non-threatening” Bad Girl way (read: you not intimidating them with your intelligent self!) people will open up and exponentially increase your chances of learning something…anything.
Now, don’t get me wrong. In some cases, I’ve had people use my favourite condescending phrases such as:
“You probably have no idea what I’m talking about but…”
“This must be over your head…”
“I know you don’t understand what I’m saying…”
Wow. Those really put me over the edge. When this happens, I try not to be snappy or smarmy, but instead gently let them know that I have a helluva good idea of what they’re talking about. If they persist, conversation is over!
Other quick tips on good listening:
Don’t interrupt the person! Oh my goodness, this is DEFINITELY the hardest one for me. Sometimes I get so excited about something I have to say, or the other person is just boring me to tears but girl, use some self control! If you listen to what someone has to say, expect them to do the same for you. My significant other, (let’s call him Bums because of a certain favourite body part) says I do this all the time (I know, I’m bad) but sometimes, when he cuts me off, I remind him of how much it bothers him when I do it. A Bad Girl friend of mine and I can converse for hours, cutting each other off constantly, but we don’t care, these are rare kinds of relationships. It really depends on who you’re talking to but just as a baseline, let’s make this a Don’t.
Don’t fiddle around with something while someone is talking to you. There are exceptions - when they know you’re busy and want your attention anyways, and/or if you’re working. Bums hates it when I play on my SmackBerry while he’s talking…it’s definitely a habit I’m trying to break.
Make eye contact…at least on important points. Gesture, but not too much. If you’re talking to a boy, cock your head slightly to the side because apparently, men do that, and interpret that gesture as listening intently.
Read between the non-verbal lines – is your partner shifting their weight around? Either their shoes hurt or they really want to go away. Arms crossed? Cold, or uninterested…use your best judgement.
And, last but not least – tailor these rules to your specific scenario!
